


I'm golden, Javi.

by 4Mia3



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Experimenting with alcohol, Figuring out how to be together, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Maybe a tiny bit of angst, Romance, Sleepy Cuddles, discovering feelings, drunk!Javi(?), drunk!Yuzu, knife shoes appreciation society
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-09-16 15:39:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16956753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Mia3/pseuds/4Mia3
Summary: "How do you spell 'Love'?- Piglet"You don't spell it, you feel it."-Poohi.eYuzu decides to challenge himself, Javi is in the right place at the right time, and love happens...even if they don't know it yet.Set during FaOI last summer.





	1. Starting line.

**Author's Note:**

> It's my first attempt at writing a fic, and also english is not my first language, so... please be kind?  
> But, If you spot an error do tell me, please. 
> 
> I also want to thank ForeverDoesntExist and K1mHeechu1 for helping me and tell me this thing it's good.  
> Plus all of KSAS~ I love you, people!!
> 
> It's obviously a fiction piece, hence, NONE of this is real.

The place seemed comfy and traditional; small, wooden, not one soul around. 

 

Yes, it would probably be fine. 

 

Gathering as much courage as he could, Yuzuru stepped inside, praying that all his plans could somehow work out in the end. Actually, he didn’t have to be this anxious, he had a plan, he just had to stick to it.

 

His bodyguard had agreed to carry him if necessary, he had told him so, and he believed him. The place owners were old friends of his grandparents and were delighted to see him when he asked if he could execute his foolproof plan here. 

 

He had done a very generous amount of research, he knew which ones would be fine and which ones he should stir away from. The hotel was just half a block away so if anything happened he could always walk there, but he trusted his bodyguard on that regard.

Kikuchi-san also knew about it and had agreed, even good humored to check on him after he returned. 

 

“Yuzuru-kun, we were waiting for you,” the owner smiled at him.

 

“Thank you so much for agreeing to my weird request,” he bowed deeply to his grandparent’s old acquaintances.

 

The owner smiled and gestured for him to follow, guiding both the younger and his protector along the hall to a small yet warm room at the end of it. He took a deep breath before going in, instantly liking the sweet smell of wood. Inside, the room had gold flowers painted on the walls, a fluffy floor, and a small wooden table.

 

“I will let you to settle in and look at the menu. If you have any questions, please ask,” the owner signaled the doorbell on the table before going out and closing the sliding door.

 

His bodyguard looked at him with a funny expression before asking him if he should stay or wait outside the door.

 

Not wanting him to be uncomfortable, since accompanying him there was probably not what he had signed up for when he was given the job, Yuzuru told him to do what he thought best.

 

Reality was, the skater was hoping he would go outside as he didn't want him to see how uneasy, anxious, and afraid he was, but he would suck it up if he wanted to stay. Fortunately, his bodyguard told him he would wait at the front near the kitchen, only a call away if needed.

 

Letting out a sigh, Yuzuru relaxed. He was finally alone.

 

“I can do this," he whispered to the room.

 

\---------

 

The sun was softly starting to burn the right side of Javier’s face when he woke up. The whole room was bright and warm, probably noon by the looks of it coupled with the fact that he was not sleepy anymore.

 

After rolling in bed a bit, dragging the moment out, the Spaniard decided to just get it over with and got up, quickly heading to the shower.

 

After a few minutes, like his everyday routine he got out of the bathroom naked under the small towel the hotel provided, he always forgot to take out clothes before showering.

 

Grimacing in pain, Javier reached down to his suitcase. The night before had been wild, Scott had somehow kicked his side while trying to wake him and carry him to his room. It was beyond him how the foreigner bunch was out and exploring tourist sites since 9am.

 

T-shirt and jeans on, he braced himself for the pain while bending down to tie his shoes.

It wasn’t serious and would likely be fine in time for the next stop of FaOI with help from some ointment.

 

Closing the room’s door, he ran downstairs to the restaurant. With a bit of luck, it would still be open and the lunch buffet on. He didn’t have such luck. The crystal doors were locked and no one was inside. Straining his eyes a bit, he read the clock on the wall at the far left of the closed restaurant.

 

13:45hrs

 

Great, if only he had woken up 30 min earlier he could have had breakfast

 

Not feeling like going downtown looking for a place to eat, he asked the receptionist for a close by restaurant.

 

“There’s not many restaurants around. There are plenty of bars that also sell food, but it might be too early for any of them to be open," the patient lady informed him, marking all said places on the map with a red marker.

 

Deciding to try the 4 possible destinations within a block distance Javier walked out the hotel and into the late morning. He just really needed some food. He had only walked around the block for a few meters when he saw a car parked outside some building named ‘Bar and Restaurant Akira’.

 

“Lucky!" he cheered internally.

 

Adjusting his eyes to the darker place, Javier took his sunglasses off and went inside the cozy looking place. There was only one guy at the counter in front of the kitchen and the chef who was looking worriedly at the hallway.

 

Oddly enough Javier knew that one guy sitting by the bar’s counter looking a bit bored.

 

What was Yuzuru’s bodyguard doing at a place like this, at this time of the day?

 

Sure, the younger was probably going to stay all day at the hotel, not even going out of his room, but still, shouldn’t his bodyguard be around if something happened? 

 

Slowly, he approached him and sat down, leaving one chair between them,

“Mmmm... can I have a menu, please?”

 

Jumping a little, the bulky man turned around to face Javier, his hard expression softening when he recognized the Spaniard. 

 

“Javier! He also asked you to be on standby?” he asked as if the skater knew exactly what he was talking about. “Maybe you can help him to choose the first one? Apparently, he hasn’t rung the bell since we arrived 45 minutes ago!”

 

He arched an eyebrow, completely oblivious whatever he was ranting about.

 

“He is at last room on hallway” offered the chef who had been watching the exchange.

 

“Who...?”

 

Javier was getting lost more and more in the middle of this conversation.

 

“Yuzuru of course! Didn’t he call you here?”


	2. Honey is sweet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter turned out way too long for my liking so i split it.  
> Hopefully you like it. 
> 
> Also, K1mHeechu1 thank you for your guidance and help~  
> KSAS *kisses*
> 
> This is a fiction piece, hence NONE of this is real.

A bell like sound came through the kitchen door, startling all three.

“Oh, it seems he is ready to order,” The chef gently smiled looking at the hallway. 

Gesturing for Javier to follow him, the chef took a notepad and promptly went to the last room.

Yuzuru had not called Javier there, and he didn’t want to be nosy, he was just hungry. However, the bodyguard seemed relieved he was there, so maybe he could actually be of help.

Following the path the chef had taken, Javier arrived in front of the last room. He could hear Yuzuru’s voice, a tone higher than he was used to hearing from him when talking in Japanese, oddly similar to his nervous English voice.

He took a deep breath and slowly opened the sliding door.

On the other side, he found a very shocked Yuzuru staring at him as if he had grown a second head.

“Hey, your bodyguard told me you may need my help?” said Javier, trying to sound as casual as he could, considering he didn’t even know what was he supposed to help him with.

Yuzuru’s plan didn’t involve having Javier anywhere near him while doing his experiment.

He tried to say something, but his brain was not working and the only thing he did was open and close his mouth like a fish out of water.

“I will bring the bottle in a moment, I’m sure with your friend here now, everything will go smoothly,” said the owner trying to reassure Yuzuru, not knowing the frenzy his heart and brain were in after seeing Javier there.

When the owner closed the door leaving them alone, Javier let a sigh out.

“I woke up late, the hotel restaurant was closed” Javier offered. “Your bodyguard told me you needed help when I arrived here a few minutes ago to get something to eat,” said the Spaniard while sitting down across the table.

“Yuzu, I don’t know why would you need help on a Japanese restaurant but, if I can I will help you, that unless... you don’t want me here?” asked Javier trying not to impose himself to whatever Yuzuru was doing.

Barely moving his lips, and his face still as white as when he opened the room’s door the Japanese told Javier he could stay.

“So, care to tell me why your bodyguard thinks you need help?”

“I’m... I’m... trying to be drunk” babbled Yuzuru in an attempt to be brave and explain what was going on there.

“Yuzu... What?” He couldn’t possibly mean ‘drunk’, as in ‘drunk’.

“You know, drunk, like Javi on Fridays, with alcohol,” said the younger man a bit louder this time.

“O...kaay”

Still not getting what was going on with Yuzuru.

“But, Why?, You always say it’s foolish and... aren’t you allergic?” Javier was sure he had heard Yuzuru saying that.

“No, doctors say it’s okay, I’m not allergic, and everybody says it’s fun”

His explanations were probably weird to Javier but Yuzuru could not possibly explain himself any other way as he himself was not entirely sure why he was doing it, to begin with. He couldn’t tell him he felt lonely and excluded when others stayed up late drinking and enjoying themselves as he just watched them with a tight smile on his face.

“Yuzu, you don’t need to do this, sure, drinking is fun to us, but nobody thinks less of you for not doing it”

Javier tried reasoning, though, he already knew it was going to be useless. Yuzuru had that stubborn face he made when adamantly discussing why he needed to train half an hour more than what Brian had told him.

And surely “I want to” was the sole response at his attempts.

“Okay, so, what’s your plan?” asked Javier resigned to look after an eager to drink Yuzuru.

“I will drink and write how I feel!, so next time I know what and how much,” said the Japanese holding up a notebook.

“I did my research, I will not try strong alcohol, only weak ones until I feel dizzy, then keep going until I feel happy?”

Of course, Yuzuru did a research about alcohol, the boy never did anything halfway.

Rolling his eyes and hiding a chuckle Javier reclined in his place thinking of what to do.

“What did you ordered just now?”

“Honey apple cider, sweet, weak alcohol, owner said it was good choice”

“And to eat?”

“....”

“You didn't order anything to eat?”

“I wanna be drunk, I'm not here to eat,” said Yuzuru tilting his head a little bit with fire on his eyes.

“You need to eat while drinking Yuzu. If not, you will get drunk too quickly and your head will hurt”

After ringing the doorbell in the table Javier scanned the menu but everything was in Japanese.

“Could you pick a menu for both of us? I’m hungry and you need food too, but I can’t read Japanese”

“Silly Javi, you came to Japanese restaurant without translator, you’re lucky I’m here”

Giggling softly, Yuzuru looked at the food section of the menu.

When his grandparent’s acquaintance came, he was carrying 2 bottles of honey apple cider.

“Here you go, enjoy your first time, god knows I did” shared the old man while setting the bottles on the table.

“Do you want anything else Yuzuru?”

“Yes, we would like some food, please, a tempura set with miso soup, a big one since we will share”

“Sure thing” assured him the owner while going out the room.

“You ordered us food?” Javier inquired.

“Yeah, a big one to share cause Javi’s lazy and didn’t had lunch so he is really hungry” a teasing grin on Yuzuru’s face.

“And because we don't want you with a headache or a grumpy drunk Yuzuru” Javier reminded him.

Sticking his tongue out, Yuzuru took one of the bottles and opened it.

He stared at the bottle in his hand in awe.

He didn't know what to do after that, Should he drink straight from the bottle? Should he pour it into a glass like water? he knew hard liquor was served on a glass, and he had seen people drink from the bottle for weak alcohol like beer, but was it really okay?

“Javi?”

“Yes”

“Should I drink from the bottle?”

“If you want, but maybe it would be a good idea to use the glass? that way you can have better control over how much you are drinking” Javier answered in a serious tone as if to give him a sense of security.

“Here,” Javier said as he took the bottle from Yuzuru’s hand “Let me pour it for you”

Filling half the glass with the sweet golden liquid, he gave it to the younger skater and proceeded to fill half his glass too.

“Cheers”

“Cheers”

The food came and hungry as Javier was, he attacked it right away. It smelled awesome, was crunchy, hot and so delicious he almost forgot he had to leave Yuzuru half of it, thankfully a soft giggle reminded him.

“You’re laughing at me?, You naughty boy, don’t respect your elders, tsk tsk” playfully chastised Javier.

“Javi is an old mister now, how sad”

Looking through the now empty glass Yuzuru stared at Javier.

“What you thinking, Yuzu?”

“Alcohol not really as bad as I thought, yes, made me cough a little but is sweet afterward,” said the boy, still marveled at the empty glass.

“Let's keep that spirit until tomorrow morning!” joked Javier rising his glass and taking a long gulp of his drink.

Javier gestured to the food, reminding Yuzuru he should eat too. So the Japanese took the hint and served himself some tempura, took a few bites of delicious crunchiness and poured himself a glass of the golden alcohol. He liked the drink, it was like apple juice but with the fuzzy feeling of a soda, it burned a little when gulped but he could taste the honey in it afterward. Also, it looked like liquid gold, and that was a very welcomed plus.

Opening his notebook, he wrote that Honey Apple cider was certainly the drink for him.

At the moment having just drunk one glass of it, he was feeling pretty normal, no dizziness, no headache, his eyesight was the same, his English skills not perfect but in a normal level so his cognitive level was the same.

“How much I should drink until I start feeling weird?” He asked the Spanish, who was looking at him write on his notebook with a big smile plastered across his face.

“It's different to every person but, looking at the alcohol level, around two bottles? maybe less since it's your first time” Javier informed him.

Two bottles and Yuzuru had only drunk less than half of one, he should up his game.

Determined to get himself drunk, he gulped what was left on his glass and filled it again.

“Hey, hey! don't drink too fast!”

Javier took the bottle from Yuzuru’s hands, worrying he would drink the whole thing one glass after another. He knew that fire on the younger one eyes, and if all his gold medals proved something, it was what a fired up Yuzuru could do.

“I know you want to experience being drunk but drinking too fast is not good, Yuzu, let's dose this a bit, how about you eat something every half glass you drink? and you will not drink more than half a glass every 15 minutes”

“Too much time, that way I will finish a bottle in 2 hours!”

With a pout in his mouth, he stared directly at Javier's eyes.

“Every 10 minutes?” He tried negotiating.

Looking at Yuzuru’s stubborn eyes, pouting lips and rosy cheeks, Javier thought it wasn't a surprise Brian had such a hard time telling him ‘No’.

Letting out a sigh, he agreed.

“Every 10 minutes then.”

Yuzuru flashed him a big smile and drank half of the glass he had just poured.

No wonder everyone loved Yuzuru, thought Javier. When he flashed those smiles that were so bright and warm, the sun could find himself jobless, he understood all the fangirls with loving eyes that were sure to pop up everywhere he went.

Pouring himself some of the honeyed drink, he gulped it looking at Yuzuru’s happy face munching on some rice.

He kept watching the Japanese’s cycle of eating and drinking, with a happy but focused face on, until he finished the bottle and had half on the second one.

Yuzuru was starting to feel weird, different, a bit like what he thought floating comfortably on a fluffy cloud would feel like.

He felt like a superhero, brave and sure he could overcome anything.

“I'm golden, Javi”

“I have the gold power in me!”

Half laughing half choking of his drink, Javier took his smartphone out and made a quick video, the moment too precious not to save it.

“You will laugh at this tomorrow”

“Now, tell me, what is this power the gold is giving you?” He asked curious about Yuzuru’s first drunken ramblings.

“I’m like, I can win everything!”

Yuzuru looked up into the ceiling like it wasn't there.

“I can make everything I dream of”

And at that moment, Javier knew what was about to happen, even before the younger skater stood up and prepared to jump.

Quickly running to the other side of the room and holding Yuzuru moments before he launched himself into the air. Javier hugged the drunken young man and sat him down on the fluffy floor, in an attempt to calm him.

“Yuzuru you can't jump a 4A here! it's too small! You will hurt yourself and you haven't even recovered completely, yet!”

“No, I can, Javi, I know I can!” Said the drunken in Javier's arms, while trying to stand up.

“Let me go, Javi, I will show you” Yuzuru tried convincing him.

And as if it was a secret, he added with his lips brushing Javier's right ear.

“You will be the first to see it”

“I don't need to be the first” Javier laughed but couldn't contain the shiver that traveled his body at the whispered words.

“I will… I will fly and it will be beautiful, so beautiful!” Stated the drunken one.

“I swear Javi, you will be blown away at how gorgeous it will be,” Yuzuru said mumbling his words a bit while trying to gesture how big the jump would be, but failing as his arms were still trapped between their bodies by Javi’s strong hug.

“Yuzu, even without it you already fly, and I'm blown away every time I see you skate, it’s always beautiful, I don’t need to see anything more” Javier tried to appease him.

And it seemed to work, cause suddenly Yuzuru stopped thrashing in his arms, looked up to his eyes and asked.

“You think I'm beautiful, Javi?”

“I.. that's not what…”Javier mind went a thousand miles per hour looking for a way to gently correct Yuzuru, but when the young man started applying more force in his attempts to stand up, he let the easy truth slide through his lips.

“Yes, you are, you are always beautiful” Javier half sighed.

“Now, stop struggling and calm down, let's have you eat something more”

“Can i drink more gold?”

“Haven't you had enough?”

Chuckling a bit Javier added.

“I’m pretty sure you’re drunk already”

“I feel good” Yuzuru shrugged as if that explained his line of thought.

“I shouldn’t feel good, do I? Will I feel good if I drink more?”

“Ah…, maybe you should stop now? you still will get more drunk as time passes anyways, leave your body some time to process it..”

As there was no response nor any new attempts to get up Javier relaxed his arms a bit, fearing he could leave a mark if he continued restraining Yuzuru with so much force.

“Javi”  

He felt more than heard his name against the skin of his neck and hummed in response.

“You are warm”

“Oh” was the only thing that left his mouth, as he dropped his arms.

“No” the other whined.

And so, said arms didn’t stay at his sides for too long cause the moment Yuzu had his freedom back, he immediately reached for them and crossed them at his back, leaving his hands at each side of his waist, while Yuzu’s own arms settled at his neck.

“I like your warmth” the younger one explained.

Javier didn’t say anything, nor did he move. He just sat there, Yuzuru in his arms trying to remember how to breathe while one phrase kept repeating on his head _Yuzu is certainly drunk. So drunk..._

After some time had passed, Yuzu lifted his head and the shift in position made Javier open his eyes to find the Japanese intensely gazing at him.

His breath got caught in his throat again.

“Your hugs feel good, Javi”

Javier mind was madly spinning, dizziness claiming him. Was he drunk? he asked himself not believing how weird he felt after just 3 glasses. It was unheard for him to get drunk at such weak alcohol, yet there he was, feeling as drunk as he had ever felt.

A burn in his chest reminded him to breathe, and he did, filling his lungs, giving himself some relief until he got a whiff of the smell, Yuzu’s smell.

Feeling dizzy yet again, he let his back fall to the ground, effectively dragging Yuzuru with him as he did not remember to let the young man’s waist go. Though, it probably would have ended the same way, cause Yuzu’s arms were firmly hooked at his neck.

Yuzu giggled directly on his ear, and the shock from it, crossed his body making some muscles jump.

“Are we both drunk? Javi” The young one giggled again.

“Such a lightweight you are, you had less gold” Yuzuru slurred the words almost touching Javier’s ear.

Then, he added.

“I’m starting to feel more dizzy, it was a great idea to lie down”

Javier hummed in response, eyes closed yet again.

Yuzuru had read, that you could feel sleepy while drunk, so he figured Javi wanted to sleep and got himself comfortable against the other’s body.

His head on Javier’s chest, and his body half on top, half on the fluffy floor.

Yuzuru felt good that way, he could even listen to Javi’s heart beating just underneath his ear.

Had he had a clearer head, he would have thought of getting out of the place and go to the hotel where they could both sleep even more comfortably at their own beds, but Yuzu’s head was dizzy and cloudy, more and more at every second that passed. So he just enjoyed the warmth of Javier's body and closed his eyes.

It had not been more than ten minutes when Javier heard footsteps outside the door startling him past the fuzzy cloud on his mind.

He stirred a bit trying to get himself on a sitting position but finding it impossible as Yuzu was soundly asleep on his chest, arms still firmly hooked at his neck.

“You lazy drunk” Javier giggled at the sight and gently slapped one side of Yuzuru’s waist.

He was usually the one to get sleepy or exhausted easier than Yuzuru and sure enough, he had never seen the boy sleeping on a place someone could see him unless it was a plane.

So it occurred to him, that once the summer ended he was probably never going to see Yuzuru asleep again. He was retiring and would never take a plane to the same competition as Yuzu again.

As more footsteps crowded the hallway he unhooked Yuzuru’s arms from his neck and gently pushed him from his body and onto the floor, getting himself up and ringing the bell on the table.

It was time to get out.


	3. Moonlight tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter turned out different from what I first thought was going be, but maybe it is for the best.  
> My utmost thanks to the ones that helped me out~ i.e my lovely beta K1mHeechu1  
> This is a fiction piece, hence NONE of this is real.

Exhausted, Javier sat on the sofa in Yuzuru’s suite room.

Javier and Yuzuru’s bodyguard had just managed to put the skater in bed, however, it had not been easy as Yuzuru had been adamant in not letting Javier’s t-shirt go, and no matter what others thought Yuzuru was very strong.

Someone knocked on the door, and Javier whined as he turned to face Yuzuru’s bodyguard and made an attempt of puppy eyes.

“Could you? Please.”

Laughing a bit, the bodyguard stood up and opened the door to a smiley Kikuchi-san.

“Did he actually do it?” asked the old man while taking an oximeter and stethoscope out of his bag.

“He certainly did” chuckled the bodyguard as he closed the door. 

Taking Yuzuru’s hand from under the covers, Kikuchi-san placed the oximeter on his index finger, then shook the boy a bit trying to wake him up.

“Yuzuru, I need to check up on you, please sit up.”

However, Yuzuru just curled up in a fetal position and turned the other side.

“I will be quick, please” Kikuchi-san tried again.

Whining a high pitched “No”, Yuzuru moved away from the physician.

Smiling at the shocked face of the doctor, Javier got up and in one quick movement took the cover away from the sleepy boy in bed.

Yuzuru tried to catch the cover as it was stripped away from him but was too slow.

“No” he whined again, finally sitting up, and opening his eyes looking at the cover in Javier's arms.

Losing it at the sight of Yuzuru’s angry yet sleepy face, Javier laughed making the others laugh too.

“Yuzuru, you drunkard, Kikuchi-san needs to do a check up on you, and then you can sleep till tomorrow if you want”

“I’ll be quick” the doctor reassured the Japanese skater, as he placed the stethoscope in his back.

“It’s cold”

“Breathe in”

“Out”

The physician checked the oximeter, and placed the stethoscope above his heart, making Yuzuru yelp at the cold again.

“Everything’s ok, just make sure to drink lots of water, you can go back to sleep now if you want,” said Kikuchi-san, with the corners of his mouth twitching as he tried not to laugh again.

Saving his stuff on the bag, the physician got out of the room, followed by the bodyguard after telling Yuzuru he would be at his room if needed.

Yuzuru extended his hand to Javier.

“Give back my cover?”

“Yes, yes, lie down”

After covering Yuzuru the best he could, Javier sat at the edge of the bed.

“How do you feel?”

“Sleepy”

Curling up in a fetal position as before, Yuzuru closed his eyes.

“Good, I’m gonna let you sleep then, you are a very scary drunk,” said Javier laughing softly and making his way to the door.

“Javi…”

“Yes?” Javier answered turning to face Yuzuru.

“Don’t go” Yuzuru whispered with his eyes still closed “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Please?” Yuzuru added after not getting an answer.

Smiling warmly at the Japanese skater, Javier sat on the sofa.

“Ok, then, I will stay until you fall asleep”

“Thank you”

Javier stared at the bed, thinking how weird that day had turned out to be. Who would have thought he’d ever witness a drunk Yuzuru tell him he didn’t want to be alone?

Sometimes, throughout the years they’d shared, he’d wished Yuzuru let himself be vulnerable and asked for help, yet not once had he witness such a thing, and his heart ached for the boy from time to time.

As his heart clenched with a known ache, Javier got up and explored the room.

It was a bit bigger than his and certainly cleaner. He had left his bag open and some clothes on top of things like his bed, a chair, the floor. And Yuzuru’s bag was closed beside the closet, and not a single piece of clothing anywhere to be seen.

He was about to open the minibar, looking for a chocolate bar, when Yuzuru’s warning froze him in place.

“Javi, don’t open the fridge”

“Thought you were sleeping”

“Can’t, you are too loud, walking around” Yuzuru said with a sleepy smile on his face.

“Do you want me to go?”

“No, just…”

Yuzuru paused thinking what he wanted Javi to do, but he was still dizzy from the drinks, and the English words were not coming to him, so he simply tapped the bed.

“What?!” Javier asked almost shouting, as he couldn’t believe what his eyes had just seen.

With the English words still refusing to appear in Yuzuru’s mind all he could answer was.“Come here?”

“Yuzu….” Javier started saying as he took the first step towards the bed “how dizzy are you feeling?”

“Very?” the Japanese skater answered, not knowing exactly why Javier was having such a weird reaction.

Once Javier reached the bed Yuzuru held his hand and told him to sit down.

“Where?” Javier asked bewildered, as there was no place to sat aside from the bed or the floor.

“Yuzu, I’m not about to sit on your bed and I’m certainly not sitting on the floor” the Spaniard informed Yuzuru. Then tried to let go of his hand.

“I’m bored just watching you sleep, but if you want me to sit, fine, I will do so on the sofa”

“But I can’t see you there” Yuzuru protested applying more force onto his hand.

“Yuzu, come on, let me go” Javier tried retrieving his hand but to no avail.

“Please?” Yuzuru asked again, his eyes bright with hope.

Feeling defeated, and amused at this new Yuzuru, Javier was seeing, he couldn’t do anything but agree.

“Fine, I will sit where you can see me but it will be in the sofa!, now if you let go of my precious hand, I will drag the damn thing over here”

The moment Javier’s hand was free, he walked to the sofa and started dragging it to the side of the bed, positioning the end of it in front of Yuzuru’s face. The younger eyes followed him at every step and once he was sat down, he looked straight into his eyes.

“Are we doing a staring battle?” Javier asked after a few moments when Yuzuru didn’t stop and he felt like his very soul was in the open.

“No,” Yuzuru said, quickly closing his eyes.

It felt weird to just sit there watching Yuzuru fall asleep, so he took out his phone and went online.

A touch on his knee startled him.

“Yuzu, what are you doing?”

“Can’t see you with my eyes closed,” Yuzuru said as if that explained the touch.

“So…?”

“If I touch I know you’re here”

“You didn’t think of that when you asked me to sit where you could see me, right?” Javier laughed at the silliness of the past request.

Putting away his phone, Javier offered Yuzuru his hand.

“Here, take my hand, I think is a bit softer than my knee,” Javier said, teasing the still drunk boy just a little bit.

Yuzuru let out a sigh as he took Javier’s hand, then proceeded to curl up a bit inside the covers.

Not being able to do much with his hand holding Yuzuru’s, Javier lay down on the sofa facing the sleeping man.

Yuzuru looked really peaceful, soft puffs of air indicating his rhythmic breathing, and his mouth just slightly parted.

Javier meant to go back to his room after Yuzuru was deeply asleep, however, his eyelids felt heavier each time he opened them, and the warm grounding feeling of Yuzuru’s hand was too much for him to battle against.

Before Javier even thought of getting up, he was just as deeply asleep as the boy next to him.

 

It was after midnight when Yuzuru woke up feeling the worst thirst he had ever felt. 

He was disoriented and his brain was still half asleep, but he needed water in that exact moment, so he stood up and tried to go for the bottles on the fridge just to come to a sudden halt when his hand was left behind his body, as it was firmly held by Javier, who was sleeping in an awkward position on the sofa.

After a moment wondering why Javi was there, Yuzuru recalled the evening and quickly sat down on the bed.

How on earth could he have asked Javier to stay and hold his hand as he fell asleep?

Confusion and embarrassment swept Yuzuru, effectively making him blush while letting out a soft groan.

He could feel Javier’s warmth through his hand and while he was ashamed for having asked such a thing, he was also amused Javier had actually done it, and not only that but even while sleeping, he was holding it so tight, it was probably a lost cause to attempt retrieving his hand without waking him up.

Yuzuru’s throat burned and he needed water but he lay down on the bed again.

Caressing the older skater’s hand Yuzuru stared at Javier’s face, noting the small smile on the Spanish.

Oh, the things he would do, so he could watch that smile on the next skating season, Yuzuru thought.

He had never given much thought on Javier retiring. How would that feel?, When would that happen? and still, for the last few weeks, everything about it had plagued his mind.

Yuzuru was scared, amazed and curious at the strong feelings clasping his heart, ever since Javier told him they were no longer going to compete against each other. That they would never again share the podium, nor warm-ups or practices.

Recalling that made him tremble, and looking at the sleeping one, made his breath hitch a notch.

He wanted to cry.

Why?

He really didn’t know. Other friends and Idols he admired had retired, and while he was sad about it, he had never felt so in pain. So... devastated.

Javier was not dying, nor did he have an incurable illness, he would be able to see him each year at the ice-shows, and he probably could message him during the season. But he was still sad and his heart still constrained everytime Javier flashed him a smile and Yuzuru inevitably thought “What if I never see it again?”

“Javi” the breathed out his name, while still caressing his hand, making circles with his thumb.

His throat hurt at that but he did it again.

“Javi"

And again.

“Javi”

“I will miss you” he finally said, trying to put his thoughts out.

“I will miss training with you, I will miss competing with you, I will miss you on the podium, I will miss joking with you”

“I just…” Yuzuru stopped, as his eyes flood with tears and his cheeks felt them rolling down, wetting his pillow.

He let the tears flow freely, not even attempting to stop or clean them. His heart clenched in a pain he couldn’t recognize but that he felt was precious on its own.

Yuzuru stared at their hands, fused together on a tight hold.

He smiled a bit.

“I really will miss you a lot, Javi”

“Yeah, me too, Yuzu,” Javier said in a deep voice.

Startled by the response Yuzuru hiccuped and tried to quickly retrieve his hand, but Javier held it even tighter.

“You know” Javier whispered “saying ‘i miss you’ should be done when the other person is awake.”

He looked straight into Yuzuru’s face, only able to see half of it on the moonlit room and reached Yuzuru’s wet cheeks with his free hand, cleaning the path the tears had taken.

After a minute Yuzuru, ashamed he was caught crying and apparently not being polite by telling Javi he was going to miss him when he was not awake, hid inside the bed cover, pretending to go back asleep.

Javier went to sit on Yuzu’s bed, but as he stood up from the sofa almost all of his bones cracked after being in such awful position, making Yuzuru lose it laughing under the covers, and saying ‘Javi is a grandpa’ between waves of laughter, unable to keep the facade of returning to sleep.

“Yuzu…” Javier said on a serious tone “stop laughing, I’m not that old, it’s the sofa’s fault!”

Yuzuru didn’t stop and Javier trapped him with his body.

“I’m not old, I tell you!” Javier tried again.

“You are” Yuzuru answered still laughing.

“I’m not”

Javier placed his hands on some strategic parts in Yuzuru’s body so he could tickle him.

“If you don’t want to stop, I guess I should help you keep going” Javier whispered in his ear, with a devilish grin.

“What?”

Javier started tickling Yuzuru, making sure the Japanese couldn’t run away.

“Stop” the younger skater begged.

“Am I old?” Javier asked, laughing at his own foolish acts.

“No, no!, You are, you’re young” Yuzuru answered breathlessly and Javier finally stopped his attack and hugged the younger one.

They didn’t move for a couple of minutes until Yuzuru took his arms out of the covers and placed them at Javier’s neck, returning the hug.

“Yuzu” Javier held him tighter, then separated himself a bit to be able to look at the Japanese eyes. “Were you crying because of me?”

Yuzuru’s heart skipped a beat. He was not sure if talking about it would be a good idea, if he started crying again Javi would worry about it, and he didn’t want him to feel bad, they all would need to retire someday, Javi was just doing it earlier than him.

“No”

“Really? Then why were you crying?” Javier asked curious of Yuzu’s answer as he was 99% sure the other boy had been crying because of his retirement.

“I wasn’t crying.”

“Mmhm” Javier rolled his eyes at the blatant lie. “Yuzu, I did touch your wet cheeks, you know?.”

“I didn’t cry” Yuzuru tried again while pushing his forehead to Javier’s.

Chuckling, Javier stopped hugging Yuzuru, rolled to his back and looked at the moon outside the window.

“You are a very bad liar”

“I didn’t cry”

“Sure, and I’m the Olympic champion” Javier sat on the bed “Maybe…” he looked around the room “I should take my gold medal, where is it?” the Spaniard teased.

“I cried”

“Why?”

“I don’t know”

“Yuzu..” Javier locked eyes with him, not really saying it but letting Yuzuru know he didn’t believe him.

“It’s true” Yuzuru defended himself, but couldn’t keep his eyes from avoiding Javier’s.“I’m just sad” He tried voicing his feelings, even if he didn’t understand them completely.

“I’m not dying” Javier joked, as the same tight feeling he experienced while hearing Yuzuru earlier, sat heavy in his chest. “We will still see each other from time to time, I will go to train for Europeans” he offered like he could replace their everyday interactions with a few weeks after half a year not seeing each other.

The reality of what retiring signified was getting bigger by the second, and Javier’s heart stutter for a moment. Was he really okay and in peace with all those changes?, with not going to TCC every day, with not been able to share a coffee with Brian or Tracy, with not training with Yuzu, not seeing him anymore, not joke with him, not challenge him, not tickle him, not hug him, not…

Javier’s painful expression caught Yuzuru off guard and made his own heart hurt.

“I’m sorry” Yuzuru sat and cupped Javier’s cheek like the other had done to him many times before. “Don’t think about it”

Javier placed his left hand on top of Yuzuru’s, interlocking their fingers and squishing them a bit.

“I will miss you too, Yuzu” the words barely a whisper falling from Javier’s lips.

Javier’s eyesight turned blurry, tears destabilizing his world.

From his shiny eyes, a single tear made its way down, sparkling under the moonlight coming from the window until it reached their interlocked fingers on his cheek.

Yuzuru shivered feeling the hot and wet sorrow of Javi’s heart coating their fingers. It was almost too much, his heart and brain didn’t know what to do anymore. And almost as if he was hypnotized, he leaned forward and kissed their hands on Javi’s cheek.

Then his bare cheek.

His eyelashes.

The corner of his eye.

Javier focused on the burning feeling of Yuzuru’s lips against his skin, the soothing comfort of knowing how much Yuzu cared for him.

Tears fell one after another.

Javi’s trembling hand made Yuzuru aware of what he was doing. He stopped, concerned about what the reaction would be, but when he pulled back to look at those Spanish eyes, he was held in place by Javier’s right hand.

The older skater half smiled when their foreheads touched.

For considering himself an experienced man in the subject of relationships, it sure had taken him a while to understand he was hurting because he loved Yuzu.

He opened his eyes to be pulled by the magnetic depth of Yuzuru’s eyes.

They were like huge black pearls, or massive black holes, cause he certainly felt the gravitational pull.

Not being able to resist anymore, he let his eyelids fall shut and closed the gap between their lips.

The touch was the softest, just a tentative venture, and yet an electric current ran through both of them the second their lips met.

They pressed on each other lips, seeking more, their hearts aching but beating faster on a frenzied rhythm.

Holding each other with just a bit more force than needed, they embraced like the world was falling apart. And in a way, it was.

Their mouths moved in a synchronized dance, relentlessly furthering the kiss and pulling away for fractions of seconds at a time.

Javier could taste the sweet and sour traces on Yuzu. He relished the intensity of the kiss, the desperate need, the greatness of the action.

Every single hair in his body was standing, his muscles twitching at even the lightest touch from Yuzu.

It almost felt unreal, but the small whimpers that escaped their mouths from time to time, let him know just how real it was.

Yuzuru, on the other hand, was completely lost to the myriad of sensations. His heart beating so fast and hard he was sure Javi was able to feel it on his lips. His hand trembling on Javi’s cheek, his whole body flushed with warmth and comfort, with pain and sorrow but unable to process any thoughts or feelings.

They kissed each other with such abandon, time stopped to watch the beautiful and desperate display of affection.

Loud voices were heard from the hallway, very probably the foreigner bunch returning from partying downtown.

Separating a bit, they looked at each other while their breaths mingled.

Neither had thought they’d end up kissing and didn’t really know what to say. So they stayed immobile until their breaths calmed down and their hearts were just skipping a beat from time to time.

Javier cupped Yuzuru’s face with both hands and sweetly pressed his lips on his forehead.

“Let’s sleep, Yuzu,” he said, dragging the younger skater until they both were laying on the bed.

Yuzuru wasn’t sure if he could manage to fall asleep, but he nodded and closed his eyes.

Javier let out a sight, held Yuzuru’s hand and closed his eyes, begging Morfeo to let him drift away.

The next day was sure to be an important one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took me this long to update but family arrived early to pick me up for vacations and after that, I didn't have much inspiration, BUT here it is~
> 
> Will try to update more often this time. Thank you for reading, I love y'all.


	4. Time is precious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, let me thank my very lovely and talented beta K1mHeechu1, cause with out her my writing will be a very bad mess. 
> 
> Also, I'm sorry it took me so long to update... I don't really have a excuse for it but... Here it is! YEY!  
> I hope you enjoy~
> 
> And a quick reminder that all of this is fiction people, so NONE of it is real~

The morning sun peeked between the buildings in front of the hotel and into Yuzuru's room, illuminating the sweet scene happening in the bed.

Two boys were deeply asleep, facing each other, lips almost touching and hands held tight between their bodies.

The first to break into the realm of consciousness was, incredibly, Javier. He was still a bit dizzy from sleep, but once he felt the soft hot puffs of air from Yuzuru's breath, every bit of awareness came to him.

How crazy was it that before last night he hadn't known he loved the beautiful boy sleeping in front of him?

Leaning in, he gave him a barely-there kiss.

He sighed, what was to happen when Yuzuru woke up?

Javier lifted their linked hands and planted a kiss there too. After all, that moment in time felt too sweet and blessed not to make the most of it.

Javier was fairly certain the younger one had pretty much sobered up by the time they finally succumbed to the fierce feelings his retirement had brought to light but, however, he was still worried. What if Yuzu hadn't been sober enough? After all, it had been his first time getting drunk.

Javier chuckled softly, remembering how crazy it had been to find Yuzuru in the Restaurant trying to get himself drunk.

Yesterday morning he would have never guessed what would happen after he couldn't get into the buffet.

An alarm went off and Javier quickly sat up looking for the source of the sound, trying to turn it off before it managed to wake Yuzuru up.

As softly as possible he went on top of the sleeping boy and turned the alarm off, however, Yuzuru felt the movement on the bed and this, coupled with the annoying sound the alarm produced, woke him up.

Yuzuru opened his eyes and looked at Javier, then shifted his gaze around the room with a disoriented look on his face that made Javier bite his own lip, not knowing what to expect.

"Yuzu," Javier said in a whisper, trying not to startle him.

Yuzuru immediately focused his attention on Javier.  A sweet blush flushed his cheeks, giving Javier confirmation that he remembered everything that had happened in that room with the moonlight as their witness.

"Oh, you stayed," said Yuzuru, as if they had not had fallen asleep together and holding hands, thing that they were still doing, and the moment the Japanese skater took notice, he squeezed Javier's and looked up, straight into his eyes.

"I said I would" Javier answered, squeezing Yuzuru's hand back, and tracing small, calming circles with his thumb.

Yuzuru smiled at him, freed his hand, got up and walked away, making Javier uneasy, as they needed to talk.

Reaching the minibar, Yuzuru took out a small water bottle and drank it up in a single, long gulp.

"I was very thirsty," the Japanese man said, keeping his back to Javier.

"Yeah, drinking can have that side effect" Javier answered as he also got up, and approached the minibar.

He situated himself directly behind Yuzuru and hugged him around the waist, pressing his face to the side of the neck of younger skater.

Yuzuru closed his eyes, letting his weight be supported by Javier's chest and sighed.

"Javi, what are we going to do?" he asked, eyes still closed, focusing on the warm feeling of Javi's body holding him.

"I think we need to talk," Javier said, tightening his arms around Yuzuru for a quick moment, and then turning Yuzuru around so they could face each other.

Javier's heart skipped a beat when Yuzuru's eyes met his, and the fire he saw in them lit him up.

"I'm in love with you, Yuzu, I really am," he said as he massaged Yuzuru's hip bones "but..." he shook his head. He didn't want to voice all his concerns about what the inevitable end of their precious, new discovered feelings would be.

"But?" Yuzuru asked when Javier didn't finish the sentence.

"I love you, Yuzu," Javier repeated himself, and then lowered his gaze a bit.

Yuzuru leaned in and pressed their foreheads together.

"I think I love you too, Javi" he whispered, and that made the older one lift his eyes.

"You think?"

"Yes, I think so" Yuzuru smiled slightly to Javier. "I liked kissing you."

Javier chuckled.

"You did?" he asked, trying to tease the younger one, and smiled about it.

"I did" Yuzuru nodded boinking his forehead against Javier’s in the process.

"Ouch, that hurts"

Rolling his eyes at  the Spaniard's exaggerated complain, Yuzuru flashed him a quick smile before planting a kiss on Javier's forehead and leaving, walking towards the bed, the moment Javier's hands fell from his waist from the shock.

He didn't make it to the bed, however, since Javier caught his arm, turned him around and promptly kissed him with a force he hadn't used the night before.

Javier licked his bottom lip and nipped at it, repeating the motions over and over, in a maddening loop that tore soft moans from Yuzuru's throat. He placed his hands on Javier's neck and massaged the skin behind his ears, encouraging him to keep going. The sensation of Javier's hot lips on his, demanding all of his attention, made him feel ecstatic and loved beyond what he ever thought was possible.

Javier moved closer, pressing his body against Yuzuru’s and making him take a step back hitting the minibar with the back of knees.

The sound startled Javier out of his breathless rush to give Yuzuru as much love as he could muster.

And Javier sudden halt, followed by a deep breath of air full of his scent, made Yuzuru's legs give out, finding himself sat on the minibar, looking at Javier's face, blindly in love, just a couple of inches away as he never let the other's neck go.

The position was sure to be very uncomfortable for the Spaniard, but he didn't attempt to move. A dumb smile hanging in his face.

"Yuzu," Javier breathed, leaning in and kissing him lightly "What are we doing?" he asked, kissing the younger again and again.

Yuzuru chuckled at Javier's dumb question.

"You are kissing me." He answered, and when the other one tried to stand up, he held him in place and added "Don't stop."

"We need to talk, Yuzu" Javier warned him, but resumed kissing Yuzuru, not wanting the moment to finish.

"I know, but you started it," He said, and then gave Javier's lip a light bite, as if punishing him.

"Did I?" Javier arched one brow and helped Yuzuru up.

The action was met with a whine from the Japanese man, so he gave him one last kiss and held his hand while leading him to the sofa that was still beside the bed.

They sat down on the sofa, and Yuzuru lay his back against Javier's chest.

It was a weird position so, trying to make Yuzuru as comfortable as possible, Javier decided to sit across the sofa and let the younger one sit between his legs and lie his back against him, as he held his middle in a tight hug.

Sure, they wouldn't be able to look into each other's eyes while talking, but Javier thought that way it would actually be easier.

His retirement and move to Spain, hung like a scythe over whatever had started the night before, and they needed to sort thing out.

"Javi" Yuzuru started "You love me, right? You said so before.." he pointed out.

"Yes, Yuzu, I love you" Javier tightened his arms around Yuzuru, and buried his face in his shoulders. "I do, but–"

"I love Javi too, so... are we boyfriends now?" He eagerly asked, hoping the tension he felt in Javier's chest was just his muscles.

Yuzuru knew perfectly well that Javier was going to be in Spain next season, and exactly that, was what had caused them to discover the precious feelings they had for each other. However, he believed that after all the years they had shared, they would be able to come up with a plan to make their relationship work.

Maybe they would take a couple of trips every few months....

"Yuzu, I'm retiring," Javier said, face still buried in Yuzuru's shoulder. "We can't start a relationship now, it's too late, What would we have, two, three weeks?"

"We've known each other for years, we don't need much time to build a strong relationship," Yuzuru said, thinking Javier thought they needed more time to make their relationship work.

He felt the older shake and his hot breath behind his ear.

"No, Yuzu... that's not–" Javier shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and calm his heart. It hadn't even been 24 hrs since they realized what they felt for each other was love, and Javier knew he should stop the madness before they couldn't and the hurt at trying were too deep.

"I know we won't be seeing each other much but, we can take trips?" Yuzuru suggested.

"I... Yuzu, you know I've had long distance relationships before, right?" Javier asked, trying to make Yuzuru understand where his thoughts were, and why he knew it wouldn't work.

Yuzuru nodded.

"Yuzu, it's not easy, and it never ends well," Javier said, whispering into his ear"and it hurts, Yuzu, to know that your precious feelings are useless when faced with time and distance"

"But we LOVE each other" The younger one argued.

"We were not  able to communicate well even when we were together every day," Javier remarked, fear making his heart clench, making his decision firmer every second that passed.

"Javi... you don't even want to try, do you?" Yuzuru asked, trying to control his feelings, his heart beating in a wild race, with fear chasing him.

"I.. No, Yuzu, It's not that I don't want to try, I just know it won't work, and I can't, I really can't go through this again, and not with you, especially with you." Javier held Yuzuru tighter in his arms, while tears blurred his vision and after a moment he added. "I love you too much and too deeply, it would kill me to watch us being plagued with misunderstandings, fights, and eventually grow cold towards the other until one day we break up and become strangers"

Yuzuru couldn't believe his ears, Javier was scared, so scared of them not being able to make their relationship work that he didn't even want to try. He was sad, and furious, at Javi, at himself and at the universe for not letting them discover their feelings until it was too difficult, too late.

"Than what do you want us to do?" He asked in a biting tone and regretted it the moment he felt Javier shake.

"Nothing" was the answer Javier breathed out into his ears.

"Nothing?" Yuzuru repeated, not knowing what to do.

"Javi, how can I do nothing when I love you so much my heart is aching right now?" He asked, placing his hands on top of Javier's around his waist. "I can't stop loving you, and I can't forget about it, I can't forget what it's like to be in your arms, or what's like to kiss you, No, Javi, I can't do nothing"

"But we have"

"How would we even survive the next weeks?" The younger skater pointed out, and added "Do you think we will not want to kiss when we see each other on shows days? When we know we love?"

Yuzuru's emotions were rampantly out of control now and Javier felt very bad about it, cause he was right, Javier knew Yuzuru was right, he couldn't hope they would suddenly stop loving each other, and it was actually because he didn't want them to stop, that he was against a relationship. But he was out of ideas and Yuzuru digging deeper into the wound was not helping.

"Then what would you suggest?" He bitterly asked, knowing there was no solution to their problem. That unless he didn't retire, he didn't move to Spain... The urge to take his retirement back grew strong, but he knew it was not possible, he had already made so many plans, had sold his apartment, told the media, his parents expected him back in their house...

"We can try, Javi I know you are scared, but we–"

"No, Yuzu another long distance relationship gone wrong will break me, Yuzu, please, I can't, please, understand" he pleaded and then, just barely audible, he added "I love you"

Yuzuru could hear just how desperate Javier was, and it broke his heart, it hurt him very deeply and made him tear up.

"I can't, promise you I will forget our feelings, or that I will not wish for you to hold me or kiss me, until the shows are over, Javi, but I can try my best," He said with his voice shaking at every word.

"Oh, Yuzu... I don't think I can either, but we must put a stop to this, if we forget we can't be together and just enjoy the time we have, the parting will be too hard" Javier sighed, and kissed him at the neck, a sad action that contradicted his resolve.

"It will be difficult, no matter what we do" The Japanese sagged in defeat against the older chest.

"It will, but what do you suggest?, Having an Ice-show season relationship?" Javier asked knowing how utter nonsense that was.

But Yuzuru didn't see it that way, and after thinking about it for a minute he came to the conclusion that that relationship, the only one Javi seemed to be open to have, was their only chance to be together, his chance to change Javier's mind. If it didn't work and they separated anyway, he would suffer pain he could not even imagine, but he wanted that chance, he didn’t have it in himself to give up that easily.

"Sure, let's do that, let's have an Ice-shows relationship," He said loudly, cause he needed that force in his voice for it not to tremble.

"I wasn't seriously suggesting that," Javier hurriedly said, and then tried to get Yuzuru to sit up and turn around so he could see his face, but the younger one resisted, knowing he would start crying if he saw Javier's eyes.

"Yuzu, that would be too painful, how would we even say goodbye?"

"Can't we enjoy the little time we have?"

"Yuzu..."

"Please?, Let's enjoy, instead of cry!" Yuzuru lifted Javier's hands from his waist to his face and started planting soft kisses into them.

"Please," he said between each kiss, and Javier's heart clenched with pain after each and every one of them.

"If you are sure you want that..." Javier admitted defeat and kissed Yuzuru's neck, ears, and shoulder. Unable to stop himself.

"I do"

Yuzuru shifted in his arms and turned around to face Javier.  He gave him a quick peck, rose up, and started walking to the bathroom, quickly closing the door once he got inside.

He started the shower, took his clothes and let the hot water hit his body, distracting him from the fact that tears kept rolling down his cheeks, mixing with the water falling over his head. Interestingly enough, his tears burned more than the hot water, and he didn't know what to think about that.

Javier stayed on the sofa for a while, just hearing the sound of the shower hitting the tiles of the bathroom.

He was worried and sad. After agreeing to be with Yuzuru for the couple of weeks they had left of ice-shows he didn't know how they were supposed to enjoy it when the end was so clearly defined. It was also incredibly frustrating that the only thing that stood between them, was himself. His inability to be courageous enough to go through another long-distance relationship. His retirement. His plans to go home. He didn't have enough energy for another competitive season and he hated himself for that. He stupidly wanted to just take all his plans back, but it was not possible, he would damage the image he had worked so hard to get if he suddenly canceled all his plans, his interviews, his shows. He wasn't even alone in that plan, there were investors, and skaters already booked.

Thinking about it, he couldn't understand why he was so sure they wouldn't be able to enjoy their time together, after all, even if not so clearly defined, every relationship had a fated end. He knew when he asked out most of his past girlfriends, that they were not going to get married, and they were going to break up sometime in the future. And he had been ok with that. Still, his heart clenched painfully thinking of parting ways with Yuzuru.

What was he to do? Marry him?

Maybe Yuzuru was right, they only needed to enjoy the time they had. Maybe it was best to have happy, sweet memories to hold onto after the summer was over, instead of wondering and regretting not having any memories at all.

Javier let out a trembling sigh. How crazy was it, that after years of being together, of sharing so much, of believing they understood each, they realised love was what they'd been feeling all along only now?

He felt a shadow blocking the sun from his face and opened his eyes to a familiar sight.

Yuzuru was standing in front of him, wet hair wildly distributed on his head, and body tightly clad in all black Under Armour clothes.

"Don't cry, Javi" Yuzuru said while running a hand through his hair in slow and soothing motion.

Javier looked up straight into the other's eyes and then hugged his middle while pressing his forehead to Yuzuru's abs.

"You cried too" he pointed out and Yuzuru immediately raised his hands to touch his cheeks, afraid he had continued crying without even taking notice, but his face was dry and hot.

"I'm not" he complained but resumed petting Javier's head.

"You are not" The older one agreed and added, "but you did, your eyes are really red, Yuzu."

"They are?"

"Yeah..." Javier took a deep breath and asked "Are you sure we will be ok after this is over? Are you sure you want to do this?"

Yuzuru sat down in the bed, in front of Javier, cupped the Spaniard face in his hands and answered with a small smile.

"I do, from now on, let's enjoy, no more crying"

Javier leaned in the touch, closing his eyes and enjoying the moment.

"Ok, then, no more crying" he agreed.

"So..." Yuzuru started after a minute, "What do we do know?" he asked Javier while tilting his head in his usual adorable way.

Javier chuckled and stood up, "We go eat breakfast," he said walking to the door, "I don't want to miss it two days in a row"

"Right, right" Yuzuru laughed all the way until he reached Javier, and then asked, " What will we do next? Do you have plans for today?"

"Not, really, I told to the Shibs I might be joining them for lunch, but it was not a sure thing, and, frankly, I don't think they will be up for it, considering the time they arrived at yesterday" Javier shrugged.

"Then you can give me another lesson for drinking!" said Yuzuru while flashing him a huge smile. "After all, now that we are going out, I believe I have a seat at your goodbye drinking party?" he casually said, but Javier could see there was something else in that statement.

"Yuzu..." he breathed out, " Was that what all this ‘lets get drunk’ thing was about?" he carefully asked.

"Maybe..." Yuzuru took Javier hand in theirs, "You never mentioned there was going to be one, you never asked if I wanted to go, so I figured it was because I don't drink" he explained.

"Yuzu, you don't have to drink to go, I just didn't ask because I thought you would be uncomfortable" Javier looked at Yuzuru's eyes and continued, "I was planning on us having our own goodbye party, maybe at a tea house or something" he laughed at the last part, and Yuzuru joined him.

"But I want to go, drinking is not that bad after all," the Japanese one said.

"Then we seriously need to work on your tolerance or you will black out at your first shot," Javier said laughing more and more.

Yuzuru gave him a mild murderous stare, and with his hand in his, he walked to the door, dragging a laughing Javier behind himself.

"Let's go to eat breakfast," he said, opening the door of his room and letting it close the moment they were out.

**Author's Note:**

> If you somehow liked or if you think i can improve on something, hit me up with a comment? I love leaving them so... i would love to get some...  
> Am I begging for them?... YES! Please gimme~ 
> 
> Probably will be 3~4 chapters but it can change...i'm sorry.
> 
> Edit: It will obviously be more than 4... probably 7(?)


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